In case you missed it yesterday, Fox Sports signed Tom Brady to a $375 million deal – more money than he’s earned in salary in his entire playing career – to be their leading color commentator for NFL games when he retires, oh, let’s call it 2047. Why Fox chose to pay Brady so much money isn’t that hard to discern. He’s the most famous football player in history, and Fox wants one type of brand to occupy the booth for both the inner prestige and because Joe Buck and Troy Aikman left that network to ply their trades at ESPN.
Unlike Tony Romo, Brady won’t be entertaining in the pit. Or insightful. Or excited. Or even alive, really. What he WILL be is meticulous about retaining his candor, which of course is what we all love about someone being paid to give us a candid look at the sport. Tom Brady is a strategically boring man, always drawing inspiration from the brainwashed. He can’t even make his own son kiss on the mouth so convincingly. When he takes over the Fox booth alongside play-by-play man Kevin Burkhardt, he’ll almost certainly prove as useless a commentator as Joe Montana turned out to be (Montana joined NBC as a guy from studio and lasted nine Chevy Chase-esque weeks before quitting).
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