There’s been a lot of defecation over the past few weeks in Johnny Depp’s $50 million defamation lawsuit against Amber Heard. This evening, saturday night live managed to throw a few against the wall to see what would remain in the open.
“I felt very, very sad,” a bearded, ponytailed Kyle Mooney said as a smiling Depp on the stand when asked by lawyer Aidy Bryant what his reaction was to discovering “fecal matter in your bed”. Hearing frequent objections from actor Heidi Gardner as Heard’s lead attorney, Elaine Bredehoft, about the messy series of questions, Judge Penny Azcarte, played on SNL by a bespectacled Cecily Strong, puts into perspective all the open cold and the whole trial of real life.
“I’m going to allow it because it sounds like fun, and this trial is for fun,” Judge Azcarte exclaimed of Strong in what was one of the move-in star’s best legal dust-offs. and one of the best SNL cold opens this almost 47th season.
Scheduled to resume May 16 in Virginia after a week-long hiatus, Depp and Heard’s mutual dirty laundry show reflected on the alleged 2016 incident where feces was found on the actor’s side of the bed of the duo in their DTLA block. Supposedly one of the last straws for Depp, the defection was initially claimed by a Coachella-related Heard to have been by the couple’s little dogs.
Testifying in the ongoing Old Dominion lawsuit, Starling Jenkins II, a member of Depp’s staff, told the court on April 28 that Heard had informed him during a trip to the Desert Music Festival that “fecal matter human,” as Depp called it in his own testimony, was “an awful joke gone wrong.”
“We don’t need to watch it all, but we want to, so shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh together here here here this here between here):) “Mr. Depp, do you find this lawsuit amusing,” she continued, giving a nod to the actor’s behavior on and off the stand in real life in recent weeks. “Me too, you’re a bad Captain Jack,” she replied, shouting at the blockbuster pirate frankness and a glass of wine raised to a “yes” from Mooney’s Depp.
Watching more of these fake CCTV footage of security guards Depp, portrayed by Kenan Thompson and Ego Nwodim, discovering the stained bed, Strong’s Azcarte went on to say, “I think I’ve seen enough. This trial gave me a lot to think about. On the one hand, I believe Mr. Depp’s story. But on the other hand, your constant smirk lets me know that this isn’t the first woman you’ve driven so crazy she pooped in your bed.
Check out Depp’s “full nightmare” line and full skit here:
Surveillance unearthed from the trial of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp pic.twitter.com/DFdtE5uarV
— Saturday Night Live — SNL (@nbcsnl) May 15, 2022
kick off with SNL MVP Kate McKinnon as MSNBC host Nicole Wallace saying ‘you watch MSNBC news because you have nowhere to put your anger’ cold open for tonight’s Selena Gomez episode seemed to tap into the same old Beltway tropes that he’s had for way too long. Then things swung into the brilliantly called “peekaboo trial” and the declaration of “I’m glad it wasn’t me!”
Now, to grab Heard’s alleged line, an “awful prank gone wrong” can be a way of describing the five-week trial and extremely explicit in Virginia, no matter which side you’re on. However, moving away from the political material that has unfortunately limped along in NBC’s late-night cold open for most of this season, SNLTonight’s jab in the Depp vs. Heard fight was pretty much a winner all things considered.
Beginning April 11, the five-week Virginia-based trial stems from Depp transporting his ex-wife and rum diary co-star in court in March 2019 for end of 2018 Washington Post op-ed Heard wrote about being a “public figure representing domestic violence”. While the Jeff Bezos-owned broadsheet article never mentioned Depp by name, the Pirates of the Caribbean The actor insisted the op-ed was about him and ‘devastated’ his career, costing him big roles like another potential stint as Captain Jack Sparrow.
Although he said no such thing during the couple’s very public, restraining order-filled divorce in 2016, Depp, sometimes a self-confessed drug addict, also began claiming in 2019 that far from being the perpetrator of domestic violence in his relationship with Heard, he was the victim.
Heard repeatedly failed to have the case thrown out and actually sued Depp for $100 million. In late 2020, Depp spectacularly lost a UK libel lawsuit against Rupert Murdoch The sun tabloid for calling the actor a “wife beater.” His appeal attempts went nowhere quickly, and it’s clear the drama in the Fairfax County courtroom could be a last hurrah for Depp if he fails to meet the admittedly high standard of defamation in the United States.
Plus, even with a legion of ardent fans online and in court, it doesn’t help Depp’s legal case that he admitted on the stand that he wouldn’t be interested in returning to the pirate franchise if Disney offered him “$300 million and a million alpacas,” as one of Heard’s attorneys put it. He also makes fire fantastic beats the actor is not in favor of the fact that it seems there was never really any point for Disney to bring Depp back for a still unfinished Pirates 6 after everything that happened on set from 2017 Dead men don’t tell tales.
Heard was on her second day of testimony when the trial temporarily halted on May 5. When proceedings resume on Monday, the actress will be questioned further by her own defense attorneys and then subjected to what is expected to be harsh cross-examination by Depp’s team.
Which could create even more cold open material for SNL when Russian doll‘s Natasha Lyonne hosts the season finale on May 21.
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